More than you probably need to know...

100 Some Things (You May or May Not Know) About Me

1. I already have the name picked out for our first boy and our first girl: Madison Kalaniopua Wheeler and McKay Kalilimoku Wheeler.
2. According to the Government, I’m still Trina Sujene Kalilimoku, not Trina Sujene Kalilimoku Wheeler. Call me crazy/lazy or whatever…. Celebrities do it, why can’t I?

(Actually, I wanted to keep my maiden name until I graduated from BYU and since then it’s been so hectic to get over to the DMV and everywhere else I need to go to. That and I don’t want to be a Utah resident….I know, I’m horrible)

3. When I was a freshman at BYU, all my roommates and I made a list of the qualities/requirements we wanted in a husband. After I married Ben, I found the list and Ben meets all but 2: 6 ft tall (or taller) and must possess a lot of musical talent…I wanted an amazing singer. (I think I had about 150 requirements… Do you remember this Christina?!)
4. I am a movie junkie…. Mostly because of Ben’s influence. Someone please name an western with Clint Eastwood in it or a kung fu movie I haven’t seen/slept through.
5. My all time favorite (drama) movie is the Last Samurai.
6. My favorite childhood memory was the tire swing we had in South Carolina. I loved that thing.
7. I’m terrified of anything that has 6 or more legs, antennae, and wings… OK, I’m terrified of bugs (spiders, crickets, grasshoppers, rolly pollys, lady bugs, horse flys, etc.). I won’t get anywhere near them. (don’t judge me… Ben already makes fun of me enough J )
8. …. But I’m not scared of snakes.
9. Before I die, I want to go to the New Year’s Eve Concert in Vienna dressed up in some amazing evening gown.
10. My favorite kinds of gifts to give/receive are themes. I love giving people gifts with themes because then they get more than one present and who doesn’t love more than one present?
11. I’m not really a chocolate person…
12. My favorite sport to play is a tie between volleyball, softball, ultimate Frisbee (only with Rem and them though) and soccer. Basketball and football are a close 2^nd though…
13. My favorite sport to watch is rugby and college football. When I was living with my old roommates, you could hear us yelling at the TV from across our apartment complex… we were (still are) loud.
14. The only “sport” I played in college was Powder Puff Football.
15. I was (am?) a music nerd… I lettered 6 times in High School in choir, just because I accompanied so many people. I was the only freshman in choir to letter.
16. I love laughing so hard that my stomach hurts and I can’t stop crying. That’s my favorite.
17. My bestest best friend is serving her mission in New York and has been out for over a year…. And I still haven’t written to her yet.
18. I love being spontaneous and doing random things without thinking twice.
19. I have a “yellow” personality…although Ben thinks I have a “red” one.
20. I love reading a really good book. When I have my own house (not a starter house, a real house), I’m going to have a library with sliding ladders, big comfy chairs, and a fireplace… oh yeah, there will be tons and tons of books too. I love getting new books. I love buying them and being the first to read them.
21. I need to make lists in order to function…. Need to.
22. I’m scared of heights (more than I am of bugs)… I probably will never go bungee jumping or sky diving because I will probably die if I do (although I think it would be the most fun (because “funnest” is not a real word) that I will ever have in my life…. But I’m way too young to die)
23. When I have my own house (this is that real one with the library), there’s going to be a room just for my grand piano. It’s going to sit up on a small stage-thing… and it will cost me a fortune, a kidney (I’ll probably give up Ben’s… he doesn’t need 2), and my first born.
24. I love wearing basketball shorts and t-shirts that are way too big for me. They are so comfy. If I had a choice, I would wear that everywhere.
25. Both of my grandpas died when I was too young to remember them. I’ve only met my Korean grandma twice that I could actually remember and have talked to her a few more times. My Hawaiian grandma is now living in Hawai’i so we don’t see her as much either. When I was little (like 3^rd grade-ish), my parents told me that my Grandpa’s could see me all the time because they were in heaven so whenever I would go to the bathroom, I would literally look up at the bathroom ceiling (usually would have to squint because of the bathroom light) and tell them to stop watching me for 2 seconds so that I could go about my business…. They could look after I washed my hands. Seriously.
26. I’ve only met 2 of my cousins on my mom’s side. I’ve only met one of her brother’s and his wife when they lived in New York. I’ve never met her sister or her other 2 brothers, crazy! (This is because they live in Korea.)
27. Ben and I have met more of the Hawaiian side of the family than my brother or sister.
28. My extended family lives too far away for frequent visits (so if you have family close by, be thankful!)
29. This Christmas will be the first Christmas that I will not spend with my family in Oregon and I will probably cry… a lot….
30. We don’t have TV right now so I watch a lot of shows online. My favorite shows are/were Dancing with the Stars, the Mole, Wipeout, CSI, and Numbers.
31. I’m not a cat person. I love dogs.
32. …. I have a cat. Her name is Lila.
33. I love singing in the shower super loud but am too embarrassed to do it now because our neighbors can hear me…. Hehe J
34. I graduated from BYU in Psychology. I came to BYU as a Biophysics major and was in the major for about 2 years. Then I took an Intro to Psych class and realized that you really could get A’s in college without studying for 23 hours straight. Needless to say, I switched majors after that.
35. I’ve applied for 4 jobs…. at the same office. And got denied every time. You’d think I could take a hint.
36. I love running through sprinklers. For example, Ben and I were driving home late last night from hanging out with some friends. We went past the soccer fields next to the hospital and these HUGE sprinklers were on. They were probably 12 feet high. Anyways, I just looked at Ben. I didn’t even have to say anything and he pulls the car over and we go running through the sprinklers. So. Much. Fun.
37. I love love love Ben.
38. I wrote a 20-page paper for a religion class that I was in. The professor came back and asked if he could use it for a book he was writing.
39. When I first met Ben, I thought he was funny looking. He thought I had beautiful hair.
40. Pet peeves/things that bug me: people lying in bed with their shoes on, people who like to “one-up” others, people who get way too competitive for sports (It’s just Intramurals/Stake Sports, not the World Championship. Let the girl play!)
41. I love Red Robin. Every time we go, I get a Bonzai Burger (and endless Steak Fries) with a Strawberry Lemonade. Yum!
42. I started a quilt for my sister and haven’t finished it yet… she was supposed to get it for Christmas. Last Christmas.
43. I like to scrapbook but I haven’t for a pretty long time.
44. I would rather go shopping for other people than for myself.
45. I’ve lived in Hawai’i, California, Colorado, Georgia, South Carolina, Oregon, and now Utah. I think I love Oregon the best.
46. During the summer, all through my elementary, middle, and high school years, my mom made us take home 2 math text books: the one we just completed that past year and the one that we were going to do the next year. We had to do math every day of the summer, then read for 30 minutes, and then practice piano for 30 min – 1 hr before we could go play. We also had to recite the multiplication table to her every day (if we didn’t say it fast enough, we’d have to start over). At first, this was torture… but it all paid off the first day back from summer. I still remember it actually. It was in 6^th grade and I was in Mr. Poireir’s class. I was the first one finished with that sheet with 100 multiplication numbers on it and I did it super quick! Yes!
47. I love to eat. Some of my favorite foods: anything with potatoes, strawberries, watermelon, and, of course, mom’s good ole cooking (rice, some sort of meat, and kimchi… yum!)
48. I’m the middle AND the oldest child in my family… but most people only know me as the oldest child. I have 2 younger siblings (Riena, sis, and Glenn, bro) and I also have 2 older twin sisters who died when they were only 1 hour old. Their names are Cheyenne Kalaniopua and Chenelle Keolani Kalilimoku. Pretty, huh?
49. On January 1, 2006, I watched all 3 Lord of the Rings in a row…. Extended version. It took me about half of the day. No joke.
50. Sometimes when I come home before Ben, I psych myself out and have to carry the shotgun around the house cuz I’m too scared. Good thing we got a little pistol now… The shotgun was kinda awkward.
51. I’ve kissed only 8 guys before I met Ben…eek.
52. I won’t eat avocados. You basically have to trick me to get me to eat it. (My friend did once. She made avocado cake (and before you gag), it tasted nothing like it… It just looked green).
53. I think I have a really strong sense of smell. No joke. I’ll smell some things minutes before Ben does… it’s weird.
54. I’ve never broken a bone before.
55. I never snuck out of the house when I was in high school.
56. I love learning new things and going to school. Isn’t that sick?! I remember the first day of my life that I got sick and had to miss school. I cried and cried because I wasn’t going to be there. My sweet dad went to work late (everyone else in the family was sick too and they were all asleep) so that he could give me a hug, tell me it would be alright, and just hang out with me for a sec.
57. I’ve hiked up to the Y only once and probably won’t go back up again.
58. I like camping. The only thing is that I hate not going to a clean bathroom with a white, porcelain toilet that flushes ( I have to be this specific because Ben will always find some loophole.)
59. I’ve tried and tried to get Ben to get mad at me. He will get annoyed and maybe a little bugged but he’s never raised his voice at me. I will keep trying. I’m sure he has some feelings somewhere in him.
60. I used to be super laid-back (still am) until I married Ben. I never thought that there was someone in this world more laid-back than I was but Ben showed me.
61. Every once in awhile I want to name my kid something totally normal and plain but then add some weird, crazy thing in it to throw everyone for a loop. For example, Mary is a nice, normal, not complicated name at all. But if I add a “Z” or a “Q” somewhere in it…. Marqyz, it looks a lot more complicated, right? But then I would just tell everyone, “Oh no, the “q” and “z” are silent.” …. I’ve always wanted to do that.
62. I can type 85 WPM but I think I've been getting faster.
63. I am a big fan of looking things up at Google.com… it’s actually my homepage.
64. When I was little, I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I finally decided to be a dolphin trainer so that I could swim with the dolphins but then I heard a story about some killer whale eating a trainer, so I decided that I wanted to be a storm hunter…. I don’t get it either.
65. I love the big thunder storms that make the whole house shake (Colorado storms are the best!)
66. When I was younger, I didn’t like saying the word “hail” because I thought it was a bad word. I grew up in the South…I had a very VERY thick accent.
67. Why is that accent gone? When we went out to play one day, I stopped to tie my shoe and yelled to my friends (in a very VERY thick accent): “Hey ya’ll, wait up!” They stopped not because I asked them to but because they couldn’t believe I said “ya’ll.” I was so embarrassed and vowed right then that I would never talk in a Southern accent ever again.
68. Most embarrassing moment: (again in South Carolina) The elementary school I attended had bathrooms that connected the different classrooms (you could only go to the bathroom from your classroom and not from the hallway). Anyways, my class was lining up to go somewhere and I had to go to the bathroom. Well, the toilet paper was not in the little dispenser thing so when I went to grab it, I actually knocked it to the ground. Back then, my feet didn’t reach the ground so when I tried to grab it, I ended up kicking it and it went rolling leaving a trail of toilet paper behind it. I guess I kicked it so hard it rolled out of the doorway and all the way down the line that my classmates had formed. It rolled right up to the teacher who was at the front of the line. Someone kicked it back. I finished my stuff, came out of the bathroom bright red, and everyone laughed at me.
69. Embarrassing Moment #2: My dad played volleyball with the ward once a week (again in South Carolina). Once he brought me and my sister. We were playing on the sidelines together. I went to the bathroom all by myself. I was pretty proud, especially since I was wearing new stockings and a new dress. It was a cute navy blue jumper… I think… Anyways, when I came back from the bathroom, I noticed my sister was playing too close to the sidelines, so being the big, protective sister that I am, I stood in front of Riena to protect her and then the whistles and shouts started coming… Yup, tucked my dress into my stockings.
70. I really want to run a triathlon… just for fun though, not for real. Mostly just to bike and swim.
71. I really want to be better at a sport than Ben. I’ve been trying ever since.
72. Ben picked out my ring himself.. I didn’t help him. He did a great job!
73. I like giving talks at Church. I just like it.
74. I don’t get nervous performing.
75. I was my piano teacher’s worst student of his best… And the best student of his worst. But I was his top sight reader. Oh yeah.
76. I’ve won 2 intramural t-shirts but only really earned 1 of them.
77. I don’t like the movie Willow… or Big Trouble in Little China.
78. I think I have more friends on Facebook than I do in real life…
79. My wedding reception was so much fun that people were still talking about how much fun it was for a few months after it actually happened! They can’t wait until the next Kalilimoku gets married so that we can throw another luau.
80. My wedding dress, tiara, and veil only cost me $100. It was originally $1500.
81. I’ve never been to Korea but I really want to go someday.
82. I don’t have pierced ears.
83. I volunteered at a youth detention center and LOVED it. At first I was terrified but the guys there are great and so fun. The guy that I grew closest to is now in the Utah State Prison… scary.
84. I also volunteered at an elementary school to help kids there with their social behavior. I never knew that kids younger than 10 yrs old knew all these horrible words! I almost had to go to court once to testify AGAINST (!!!!) a 10 yr. old.
85. I worked for Allstate for a few years selling and writing up quotes. It was an okay job… I got paid commission and not hourly which sucked. But for a few months, I got more money than my boss!
86. I love doing anything in the water: water tubing, wakeboarding, etc. I absolutely LOVE jet skiing. Seriously, so much fun. Last time I went, I went about 80 mph all by myself! Such a rush!! J When we get more money, we’re definitely going to buy a boat and 2 jet skis.
87. I really wanted a blow-up water slide (there’s one at Costco that I have my eye on) but Ben won’t get it for me. Jerk.
88. I have a garden. It’s full of tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, corn, green string beans, squash – 2 different kinds, green and yellow.
89. I’ve been pulled over 3 times but only got a ticket once. I got the ticket because I was going 100 mph when the cop caught me. The ticket was $120ish but my mom talked them down to $60. That was when I was a freshman. I’ve never gotten into a car accident (knock on wood).
90. The weirdest sport I’ve played was for Intramurals. It’s called Inner-tube Water Polo. You basically sit in these inner-tubes and then play water polo. So hard, so much fun, so random!
91. My favorite season is a tie between summer and fall. I love the summer because of watermelon, water, summer nights, and playing. I love the fall because it’s so pretty and I love wearing fall clothes! J
92. When Ben and I drive somewhere together, I prefer driving. Not because Ben’s a bad driver (he’s not) but I just like feeling like I’m in charge when I drive… that and it won’t make me carsick.
93. I love travelling… at least I think I do. I’ve only travelled around the US. I really want to travel around the world (especially Europe and the pacific Islands).
94. Ben and I like to float down the Provo river. Last summer, we bought a little raft. We’d go a few times. It was really fun and relaxing. One day, Ben’s truck wouldn’t start so we couldn’t go down the river. We didn’t let that stop us from having fun though. We put the raft in the bed of the truck and filled it up with water. We sat in the raft, read a few books, and took a nap. It was fun! I think that was the most redneck I’ve been since I’ve married Ben. We were sitting in a raft in the bed of a truck that was parked in a driveway with 3 other cars…. Oh yeah, redneck.
95. I don’t really burn bad. I’ll get a little red but it leaves and gets tan super quick. Love it.
96. At church, I am one of 2 ward organists and the ward choir director. Right now, the choir is working on Consider the Lilies. Such a pretty song! Our ward is probably one of the only wards I know that make being a choir member a calling.
97. I can never accuse Ben of not listening to me… He’ll just tell me “If I did listen to you, we wouldn’t be together.”
98. I love Target. They have everything.
99. When I clean my house, I have the hardest time sticking to just one job. I’ll be cleaning the computer room and see something that should go in the front room. When I’m in the front room, I completely forget that I was cleaning the computer room and will start doing something in the front room until I find something that needs to go to the computer room and…. Well, you get the picture. It’s the same thing with putting away groceries!
100. OK, so while I was filling this out… I thought that this would be a great way to announce that I’m pregnant. Wouldn’t that be great?! Well, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint. So there’s #100: I’m not pregnant.

Anyways, this was actually fun! Thanks for the idea Lauren (and it didn't take me too long!)

Reason #2

for Why I Think I'm Going to Suck as a Mom....

** Just a note: I got all of these pictures from GoogleImage so don't come back and blame me for plagiarizing or copying... Trust me, I know all about that stuff. That is what I deal with every day. And here's my source: EVERYTHING IS FROM GOOGLE.COM! OK, now get ready for some fun:

Quick Recap:

Last post I said I was going to suck as a mother because I put a cat in time out and was scared of what I would do to my own little people. That's reason #1.

Flash Forward:

This is why I'm going to suck as a mother (reason #2). I think that when you (as a mother) see these pictures, you are supposed to feel the urgent need of rushing to the poor child with armed with hugs, kisses, Band Aids, and (if you are super mom) a small bottle of spray-on Neosporin.... you know, all the regular motherly instincts. Instead, I just laugh.

(I saw the above pic on a friend's blog and couldn't stop laughing for about 10 minutes... this kid's face KILLS me!!)

"I've wracked my little Duprees!"
(Name that movie...)

And the winner is.....

I definitely think that when I am a mother, the only reason why I will EVER clean that glass sliding door is just to see my poor Baby Wheeler run straight into it so that I can die laughing. Oh man.

I'm horrible.

PS. This is the most posts I've ever posted in a month! Yes! :)

Time Out

Background Story #1:

This is Lila... I got this pic off of Andrea's blog. :)

So Ben and I got a kitty named Lila. She's about 2 months old and super cute. She's fun to play with and loves to cuddle.

She also has claws and teeth (Shocker, I know... a cat with claws and teeth?! Who would have thought?). We haven't de-clawed her or anything cuz it doesn't hurt at all. When she bites you, it feels more like she's scratching an itch on your hand.... or your chin.... or your toes.... now she's into ears...

Background Story #2:



I got into an accident (on a bike) and hurt both of my knees pretty bad. They were scratched up and bruised and oh goodness, they hurt. I couldn't bend them at all for what felt like forever. Waking up was the worst... I hate a stiff knee, especially in the morning. And going to the bathroom... ugh. Next time you go to the bathroom, try not to bend either of your knees. Just try. (This may be more information than needed BUT you get the point... and you don't have to try).

It's made my life pretty miserable... not being able to run around for sports and things, taking 5 minutes to walk up those darn Harmon building stairs, waiting another decade for the elevator in the Harmon building.... Anyways, it's been almost 2 weeks since the accident and my knees are feeling a lot better. Actually I take that back, my knee is feeling a lot better. Just the left one. The right one was the one hurt the worse but it's getting better. I still can't walk up stairs normally or run like I used to but it's better. If I bend it the wrong way, it hurts... sorta a cross between an electric shock and someone grabbing my leg right around my knee and breaking it with their bare hands.

So here's why I think I'm going to suck as a mom...

Yesterday I left work early cuz I had a headache (the kind where you wake up with a headache... ugh, I hate those). So I'm laying down on our couch and watching a movie (I think I put in Little Princess, something that I can fall asleep to). The entire time, Lila just wants to play with me so she's jumping up on the couch and racing all over the room trying to get me to throw the ball one more time (I think she used to be a dog at one point...). I finally gave up playing with her. My head hurt and I wanted to sleep.

Totally an accident but Lila jumps up on the couch, which had my leg up on it, with her claws out. That part didn't hurt.... But it surprised me. So, in my surprise, my RIGHT leg shoots up and... get ready for it... bends. THE WRONG WAY!!

Screams, electric shock, breaking leg, tears.....

After the hurting died down and I could move, I put Lila in time out and told, no... I firmly told Lila in a not-inside-appropriate voice, that she was in time out.

A cat in time out.

How ridiculous is that? It was such a weird, mini-freak out moment for me. It's a cat. Not a person. But then I started thinking... oh gosh, what if it was one of my own kids that did something, totally on accident, and I had a weird, mini-freak out moment?? If I put a cat in time out... what would I do to a little person?!

Moral of the story: Yes, I know I'm not a mom so I know it'll probably be different when I get my own kids (I already know there's a difference between cats and little people) .... And I'm sure there will be lots and lots and lots of weird, mini-freak out moments.... But this was the first time that I actually stopped and really thought about having kids... and I'll be honest, it was a little stressful.... and random. What a random time to think about that.

Second moral of the story: Yes, I know the first moral of the story really wasn't a moral of the story. Oh well.



PS. Just so people don't freak out and call me an animal hater or anything... I basically put Lila in her box (Don't freak out yet... she loves the box and when we're not playing with her and she's not following us around, she usually hangs out in there.... she LOVES the box) and told her to stay there. After I did that, I went back to the couch.... and Lila came right back to me. That was her time out.

I Love Surprises!!

I know I really should wait until after my birthday but I'm bored at work right now...

I went to lunch to go play with my new Baby Lila (I'll post more later...) and when I got back to work, this is what I saw:



Thank you everyone who got in on this: Ben, Riena, Lindsay.... everyone! I really needed this today :)

Thanks again!

Countdown...

I just added a countdown ticker thing on my blog... but the ticker is on 0 and not on 4... Oh well.

Nothing Too Exciting...

I figured I would just update everyone on my life right now... that and I'm so incredibly bored at work. Ugh.

1. Ben and I are on 4 different Intramural/City League teams: Co-ed softball (upper division, heck yeah!), Ultimate Frisbee (It's a men's team but girls can be on it if they want to), Men's Softball (I'm not on this one but Ben is and I go and watch... I'll only play if the team forfeits), and finally City League Indoor Soccer. This is basically taking up our lives. Example: This is my schedule for this weekend -- Friday, ward camp out (We're only going to dinner though because of our crazy schedule for Saturday). Saturday, 9:15am co-ed softball game and then at 10:00am we have an ultimate frisbee game. We get a short break for lunch, relaxing, CLEANING OUR HOUSE, and then we go to our soccer game at 3:00pm. Now that I wrote it down it doesn't seem too busy but imagine yourself playing all these sports... I'm going to be exhausted but it's going to be fun! And this is basically how our summer is going to be!! Anyways, we're excited cuz we love being active. Anyways, if you want to come to a game, let me know and I can give you the schedule ( I would definitely suggest coming to co-ed softball... it's a work team that basically rocks!)

2. On a more serious, plan for my future/career side... I've been applying to full-time salary paying jobs on campus. I'm not going to vent anything on here....I'm not going to. For most people who I'm pretty close to, you've already heard everything :) For everyone else, I've recently applied for 4, FOUR, more jobs so please, please, please keep your fingers crossed for me.

3. My goal of eating healthy, cooked meals is going great! I'll be honest, we messed up 3 times this month and went out to eat at Burger Supreme (twice... Ben's new favorite: The Belt Buster) and Gloria's Little Italy. Yum, yum, yum. Definitely recommend Gloria's Little Italy to everyone... It's this super cute little restaurant in South Provo and the food is pretty good but honestly, the people are SO NICE! You really do feel like you're part of the family when you go there. It's a little pricey for 2 poor, college students but I liked it a lot. Anyways, other than that I've been cooking most nights and trying new recipes. I'll post a blog at the end of the month of all the meals (along with pictures) and you can ask for the recipe... So yeah, we're saving a TON of money and we're feeling pretty good about ourselves :)

4. My birthday is coming up! Which I am so excited for because of multiple reasons: (1) I can get free slurpees on my birthday. It's awesome. (most people think this is amazing but really, everyone can get free slurpees on my birthday... but how many people can actually say that?!) and (2) Ben was going to get me either a piano/keyboard (which as much as I want this... the piano that I have my eye on is going to cost roughly the same as the mortgage of a small house, one of the two kidneys that Ben has, and our first born) , a new cell phone (cuz mine is dying... or dead... it's dead), or a scooter (let's face it, how awesome would that be?!). Anyways, instead of getting any of these options we made a deal. I have a friend at work who is going to Europe for an entire year, all expenses paid (awesome deal) and she wants to sell her furniture. So we looked at it at work. I loved it right away but Ben was a little hesitant. I told him to at least look at it and still, I think hesitation was still there... So we finally went to her house. Ben had the mentality of already saying no to the whole deal BUT I'm pretty sure that the force was used and he changed his mind as soon as he sat in the couch. So we're basically getting a heck of a deal for all the furniture... AND the cutest little...... kitten!! I'll make it very clear now that I am not a cat person. When I was a kid, a cat bit me and since then, I'll admit, I've encouraged my husband and my 3-yr old nephews to throw rocks at the tom cats that hang around my house... I don't like cats... or rather, DIDN'T! Anyways, if you're not a cat lover, you'll just have to see this little cat. She's absolutely adorable and FEISTY! She's definitely not a cat that just sits and gets fat. She's cute and very playful. So there's (in a very big) nutshell, what I'm getting for my birthday: new (for us) furniture and a kitty. Yay!

5. These are probably the biggest things going on in my life right now... Other fun things about our lives: we're wanting to rearrange our whole house before the end of the summer (which doesn't sound like much but with our busy schedules and what we want to do, this will be a task that we will need to try hard to accomplish), ABC.COM (I've been watching WipeOut, I Survived a Japanese Game Show, the Mole, and... yes, the Bachelorette (Go Jason!)), shopping for new clothes.. sigh, I love new clothes.

OK, well this is our busy summer schedule! And shocker... there's only 1 email in my inbox that I have to do. *sigh*

A New Resolve

Muffin Tops!

I wish I could say that I wrote the following but alas, I'm not an entertaining writer (though attempts have been made). So here I am at work, eating my pretzel's from Cabella's and absolutely all caught up with all emails (and it's only 10:30am. Awesome), and I see this letter written to muffin tops. It made me laugh.

Dear Muffin Top,

You’re supposed to be the most delicious part of a breakfast pastry somewhere in a Jewish Deli on the Upper East Side. So, why are you paying rent in the mid-town digs between my hip-huggers and my Wonder Bra?

I know. It’s because my body is an “apple,” and mid-town Manhattan’s Korean BBQ’s are the best way to make an apple grow juicy and satisfying.

But I have something to say to you, Muffin Top. You are being evicted, and I know exactly how to do it without paying renter’s rights. My body’s been sending me letters about the possibility of looming beach belly-tee antics, and it’s time for you to know what’s-what.

You, Muffin Top, are an irrefutable part of the bullet train ride to 30.

At 18, you were the curvy mark of a “real woman,” according to lovers in the sophomore throes of romantic life.

At 22, boys dared call you, “mommy pouch,” knowing it was cute that one day you’d have someone else’s child.

At 25, you started to be mentioned less and less, but felt increasingly, as a psychic question mark.

At 29, your owner’s significant other looked at you and said soothingly, “You’re sexy all over, with a little extra.”

You went by un-noticed, mostly because the scale never lied; it never went up. The change was small, sneaky, dishonest, and before I knew it, there you were, eating out of my fridge like a roommate I didn’t know I had.

Well, Muffin Top, you’ve been discovered, your tricks un-covered. This summer’s reign inside my Juicy tank tops is going to be mine, all mine!

“How?” you wonder.

“Quite simply, with a few snap strategies,” I respond.

You’re going to be occulted and disguised, by the fabulously forgiving high-waisted pants that girls from Alaska to Antarctica are donning and loving, precisely for their power to throw you off your game.

And now that I know of your insipient existence, I’m going to take further measures to keep you from taking over the thoughtful Feng-Shui of my body’s quarters.

You will be submitted to a healthy regime of belly-fighting foods, like fruits and vegetables, reasonable amounts of lean meats, and only 4-5 servings of carbs. You’re going to be worked out with pilates and yoga, which go easy on your landlord’s Calcium-still joints, and build flexibility into the future of her bones. Your reign of terror is going to stop.

But my best weapon, one that will lay you flat, is that you, my friend, are going to find acceptance. You are about to be evicted in the best way a woman knows how. That’s right. You will be taken in, by the community of women, who simply haven’t got the time to worry about you. You’ll be neutralized, stopped by the knowledge that a body changes with time, and grows beautiful with each step of the journey.

So, welcome home, Muffin Top. You are now an official tenant. You and your landlord each have defined rights, and you will no longer run amok in her fridge and behind her designer belts. Welcome, indeed.

Sincerely,

Every woman who worries she’s fat, just because she’s got curves.

Anyways, I thought it was funny and it made me laugh. Definitely blog-worthy (obviously, I'm hard to please... haha, Criteria: Funny, made me laugh... check, check) Yesterday I had an epiphany at work. I was in Oregon this past weekend. It was so much fun (I'm sure pictures will follow sometime soon) and I realized that my family and I didn't go out to eat at all over the weekend. Well, we went out for Glenn's graduation dinner but that's about it. Anyways, it made me realize how much Ben and I go out and eat. It's bad cuz we really do eat out a lot. So here it is, my epiphany: Eat healthy! :) Haha, there's more to this, of course... Eat healthy, home-cooked-planned-a-week-in-advanced meals! I've planned everything a week in advance but I actually have a sorta-plan for the month. I know, amazing. Anyways, I'm excited. I'm not doing this to lose weight or get in shape but I just figured that healthy eating is probably a better alternative to dying early...